“The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living.”
~Marcus Tullius Cicero
There are many first moments people experience at various times in their life. First birthday, first haircut, first tooth; first day of school, as many are experiencing this month, etc. There are a multitude of memories surrounding those first moments. Recently, we experienced a first, which sadly, I knew was coming, eventually. Lily and Harper’s first loss of a loved one. Last week was their first real experience with death and all it entails.
“For some moments in life there are no words”
~David Seltzer
I am impressed at how well each of them, in their own way, handled this difficult situation. Including non-verbal Harper! It’s always easy to assess how Lily is dealing with various emotional situations because she can communicate immediately using back-and-forth interaction. Lily can process and contemplate a discussion and bring it up again with more questions at a later time.
It is not that easy with Harper. Despite her inability to begin a conversation about a particular topic, she deserves be treated as a typical child. It requires more thought and effort on our part to make sure we initiate communication with her and also revisit the discussion to see if she would like to talk about it more.
“The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the strength within you that survives all the hurt.”
~Author Unknown
We have always used books to teach our children to learn to express themselves. Last year I participated in The Mercy Run, an event dedicated to helping siblings and families who have lost infants. At their event I picked up the book “Kids Learn About Death and Celebrating Life” knowing it would come in handy one day. When GG passed away on August 9, 2014 (click here to read her tribute), we told Harper and Lily about her death and then we read the book.
“The angels are always near to those who are grieving, to whisper to them that their loved ones are safe in the hand of God.”
~Eileen Elias Freeman
By choice, Lily read this book every night before bed for a week prior to GG’s funeral. It’s been a week since GG’s service and she has finally stopped sleeping with the “In Loving Memory” pamphlet distributed at her service.
“Death ends a life, not a relationship.”
~Mitch Albom
The passing of GG has been more difficult on the girls than I had anticipated, Lily especially. Lily and Harper both grew up knowing GG and visiting her frequently. As the oldest grandchild I was blessed to have a close relationship with her and because of that I wanted to foster that same closeness with my kids and her. It is very sad to me that she will not meet “Pickles” but at least she knew he was on his way.
“Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.”
~Dr. Seuss
When GG moved closer to us we saw her multiple times per week. Lily actively motivated GG through rehabilitation when it became necessary, and dominos or checkers became a routine part of the girls Fun Fry Day activities! The loss of GG has brought many unfamiliar emotions for the girls that we have had to discuss and learn to help them deal with.
“One day, you will be just a memory for some people. Do your best to be a good one.”
~Melchior Lim
I am just thankful we have so many memories of her to talk about. This Fun Fry Day we will take our Chick-Fil-a Picnic to the gravesite. My hope is to bring final closure to GG’s passing so Lily and Harper may see what the end result of Life’s Celebration looks like and know that it’s not a casket above ground in a field with chairs and tent.
Time will heal their hearts and mine.
“Don’t cry when the sun is gone, because the tears won’t let you see the stars.”
~Author Unknown
